My daughter's birthday is tomorrow, and she turns 10 years old. It's hard for me to believe that she is that old.
She is a lot like I am: creative, dreamy, lives in her "head," prone to passionate feelings about things. She is truly an "apple" that fell close to the mother tree. I think one of the great things that I have learned from my children is to think like a child again, too. All the frustrations and joys about how to handle life are in front of my kids now. I think as adults we feel overwhelmed with our own "adult" problems so much that we forget to see things through the eyes of youth.
So, this blog entry is for you, my dearest baby girl. Happy Birthday, little petunia. I know you read my blog. I hope you also know how much I love you, and I am very proud of all of your talents. Celebrate all those creative things you do well, and do not judge yourself too harshly on what you cannot do well. It all works out in the end as long as you have faith in yourself. I'll always have faith that you can do whatever you want with the wonderful, creative, deep thoughts and talents that you have.
Love forever, Mommy
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Sister Soldier
The county office emailed my substitute teacher paperwork yesterday (even though I'd already done it before and been in the system, fingerprints, background check, education verification, etc.). I have to pay another $50 bucks to have it all done again, you know, because in the last six months I might have committed some heinous crime. Whatever. Am I complaining? No, not really. I just find bueracracy maddening sometimes. Actually, subbing is more than most of my peers have been able do.
This opportunity all came about because of the contact that I made at the job fair last Friday. Counties aren't even hiring subs, and when they do, it's only certified teachers. Can you believe that? Two years ago, school systems would take you if you were a warm body. It's especially difficult to get into this particular school district because the compensation is about double what most counties in the metro area pay. However, there was also a bit of a "situation" over it as well. One of my peers, who has already graduated but hasn't taken the state certification subject tests, couldn't even get a business card from the HR substitute supervisor—according to her, anyway. She was really miffed and actually made a deal about it with the university's Career Placement Office. You see, she was upset because I was able to get the HR person's card, and she wasn't. The reasons that I got the contact information are very logical:
1) I have already passed both pedagogy and subject matter certification tests (that was one of the first questions the HR person asked me).
2) I had, just six months prior, been on the sub list, and somehow my data was lost. The HR person thought that was something that could be easily reactivated in the database.
3)I've already got a certified application on file with the school system, and my references completed, etc.
My friend was upset about it because four years ago, prior to her degree in English Ed., she had also been in the sub database too; however, since she hasn't passed the certification exams, she can't technically be considered "highly qualified." In her eyes, though, the fact that the HR person would not even give her a business card seemed very unfair.
You see, here's the real problem in today's economy. Things are so competitive that even getting the "right" human resources card has become a contentious issue, but I still don't think complaining is the way to get what you want. That's why I was surprised when I walked outside to the reception table and saw her complaining about the way she had been summarily dismissed. I thought the way she handled the situation was poorly done, and I got aggravated with the fact that she didn't approach her point with a little more finesse. One thing that some people have to realize is that while the "squeeky wheel does many times get the oil" that often "you catch more flies with honey than vinegar." You can have what I'll call a "clean" squeek, and it's a skill to know how to get what you want without scrubbing people the wrong way. It's been a difficult skill for me to master in my professional life sometimes. Lord knows I have pissed people off and been called "abrasive." I know for certain there were times when I just didn''t realize that my personality needed some curbing in order to better fit into a certain culture. It's so hard to bite your tongue and suck it up. It takes real patience and grace to confront people who really irritate you with genuine largesse and positivity when you just want pinch their pinheads right off the tops of their bodies. Often times it takes experience to figure it out, and some people never do regardless of how much time they spend in any work environment. But, because the field of education is populated predominately by women, it makes matters even more politically delicate.
There is another advantage I think I have over my friend. I don't think like a woman. I mean that I don't think like some women, which can be "catty," (i.e., vengeful, petty, defensive, manipulative). I am not saying my friend is this way, though. However, I consider myself more of a "man's woman." I very much like and understand the male mind, which is more, let us say, comprehensive and less, perhaps, circumspect. Yet at the same time I am a woman and obviously can think like a woman as well. I guess what I'm really saying is that women are excellent at remembering the details of every—uh—design, and they think very creatively. To make matters in this particular situation more complex, this is the South; women here say one thing to your face, but say and/or do other things behind your back. It's all a performance. Yes, that's it. A performance. You have to act the part—appear non-threatening, etc. and wait for the right moments to make your move. Therefore, working behind the scenes requires an even more nuanced performance than that of the main stage. I get into all this NOT because I approach my issues by "acting fake," but I do change directions depending on what is required by the person and the situation.
That's also what it takes in the classroom too. Change lanes, but don't get off track. Bend, but don't crack up. Never be velcro, be rubber instead. Don't let any "fuzziness" get stuck to you: a label, a person, a group, a philosophy. Things must bounce off you. Men are better at managing that that than women, and I guess it's because women operate through a pack mentality. Like a pride of lionnesses. I mean, look at the whole pack mentality in women's bathroom behavior. It's a fact—women are more "nesty" and territorial, and men are "non-commitalish" and less likely to fence themselves in.
All I'm saying is that airing your grievances negatively isn't often the best approach with females that you are trying to get on your side. Make 'em think you are doing them a favor when actually you are getting what you want out of a situation. Never let 'em see you sweat. You gotta be tactful, agreeable, cool. Does this mean just forget about the rest of your "pride?" No, but you gotta think to yourself, "I'm a sister soulja and a soul sister." In this job market I realize you have to slug it out to get your foot in the door, but no one wants a whiner for an employee.
So, I need to go back and tell my friend all this. "Imma Be . . . from the soul sonically/sending positivity," as the 'Peas would say. I don't know if she'll really hear me though.
This opportunity all came about because of the contact that I made at the job fair last Friday. Counties aren't even hiring subs, and when they do, it's only certified teachers. Can you believe that? Two years ago, school systems would take you if you were a warm body. It's especially difficult to get into this particular school district because the compensation is about double what most counties in the metro area pay. However, there was also a bit of a "situation" over it as well. One of my peers, who has already graduated but hasn't taken the state certification subject tests, couldn't even get a business card from the HR substitute supervisor—according to her, anyway. She was really miffed and actually made a deal about it with the university's Career Placement Office. You see, she was upset because I was able to get the HR person's card, and she wasn't. The reasons that I got the contact information are very logical:
1) I have already passed both pedagogy and subject matter certification tests (that was one of the first questions the HR person asked me).
2) I had, just six months prior, been on the sub list, and somehow my data was lost. The HR person thought that was something that could be easily reactivated in the database.
3)I've already got a certified application on file with the school system, and my references completed, etc.
My friend was upset about it because four years ago, prior to her degree in English Ed., she had also been in the sub database too; however, since she hasn't passed the certification exams, she can't technically be considered "highly qualified." In her eyes, though, the fact that the HR person would not even give her a business card seemed very unfair.
You see, here's the real problem in today's economy. Things are so competitive that even getting the "right" human resources card has become a contentious issue, but I still don't think complaining is the way to get what you want. That's why I was surprised when I walked outside to the reception table and saw her complaining about the way she had been summarily dismissed. I thought the way she handled the situation was poorly done, and I got aggravated with the fact that she didn't approach her point with a little more finesse. One thing that some people have to realize is that while the "squeeky wheel does many times get the oil" that often "you catch more flies with honey than vinegar." You can have what I'll call a "clean" squeek, and it's a skill to know how to get what you want without scrubbing people the wrong way. It's been a difficult skill for me to master in my professional life sometimes. Lord knows I have pissed people off and been called "abrasive." I know for certain there were times when I just didn''t realize that my personality needed some curbing in order to better fit into a certain culture. It's so hard to bite your tongue and suck it up. It takes real patience and grace to confront people who really irritate you with genuine largesse and positivity when you just want pinch their pinheads right off the tops of their bodies. Often times it takes experience to figure it out, and some people never do regardless of how much time they spend in any work environment. But, because the field of education is populated predominately by women, it makes matters even more politically delicate.
There is another advantage I think I have over my friend. I don't think like a woman. I mean that I don't think like some women, which can be "catty," (i.e., vengeful, petty, defensive, manipulative). I am not saying my friend is this way, though. However, I consider myself more of a "man's woman." I very much like and understand the male mind, which is more, let us say, comprehensive and less, perhaps, circumspect. Yet at the same time I am a woman and obviously can think like a woman as well. I guess what I'm really saying is that women are excellent at remembering the details of every—uh—design, and they think very creatively. To make matters in this particular situation more complex, this is the South; women here say one thing to your face, but say and/or do other things behind your back. It's all a performance. Yes, that's it. A performance. You have to act the part—appear non-threatening, etc. and wait for the right moments to make your move. Therefore, working behind the scenes requires an even more nuanced performance than that of the main stage. I get into all this NOT because I approach my issues by "acting fake," but I do change directions depending on what is required by the person and the situation.
That's also what it takes in the classroom too. Change lanes, but don't get off track. Bend, but don't crack up. Never be velcro, be rubber instead. Don't let any "fuzziness" get stuck to you: a label, a person, a group, a philosophy. Things must bounce off you. Men are better at managing that that than women, and I guess it's because women operate through a pack mentality. Like a pride of lionnesses. I mean, look at the whole pack mentality in women's bathroom behavior. It's a fact—women are more "nesty" and territorial, and men are "non-commitalish" and less likely to fence themselves in.
All I'm saying is that airing your grievances negatively isn't often the best approach with females that you are trying to get on your side. Make 'em think you are doing them a favor when actually you are getting what you want out of a situation. Never let 'em see you sweat. You gotta be tactful, agreeable, cool. Does this mean just forget about the rest of your "pride?" No, but you gotta think to yourself, "I'm a sister soulja and a soul sister." In this job market I realize you have to slug it out to get your foot in the door, but no one wants a whiner for an employee.
So, I need to go back and tell my friend all this. "Imma Be . . . from the soul sonically/sending positivity," as the 'Peas would say. I don't know if she'll really hear me though.
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